Can Casual Dating Ever Really Be Casual?
We’ve all been there. You’re feeling canadian pharmacyviagra, buy 800mg gabapentin no presciption. a little lonely throughout the day at work. It’s close to the end of the week and it’s a nice day outside. You could go to the park, sit on a bench and feed pigeons, and watch all of the happy people walk by. You could go home alone and wallow in your loneliness and wile away the hours in front of the television. Or you could do something that takes charge of your life and you can go out and find a date.
If you’re anything like me, if you find yourself unattached on a random Thursday night, then you’ll probably find a way to have some casual dating fun out in the wide world. My go to strategy is usually to go online and see who might be available in my area for a quick date which could lead to, who knows, maybe some casual sex in the end. Again, if you’re anything like me, you’ll be getting on your computer or smartphone (lets face it, if a casual adult dating site doesn’t have a mobile app, is it really worth it?) and you’re probably texting somebody right now to see if they might want to meet up for drinks or maybe a movie. Maybe they just want you to rent a hotel room so they can meet you there and you both can test drive the new sex toys that she bought the other day.
Don’t Fall For Her!
Now if you’re also anything like me, you should be an expert casual dater and you know exactly how to get the most out of your casual encounters. First of all, whatever you do, don’t fall for the girl! What a mess that will bring you in the end. There was this girl that I was seeing casually for a while and things were great. We’d gone on about half a dozen dates doing different things. We had had sex the first night that we met, but this wasn’t going to be one of those one night stands (not like I couldn’t have handled that), we liked each other enough that we figured that we’d meet up again for at least a couple more times.
Well I started to find that I was breaking one of the cardinal rules of casual dating, even if you’re dating casually, the dates themselves cannot be casual. What I mean by that is, what at first were very specific set dates (meet for a movie, meet up at this particular club, etc.) started getting more and more open ended. We agreed to meet for brunch at this super-trendy new brunch joint in my neighborhood. Well that brunch date turned into about six hours of leisurely walking through the park and talking about all of our deepest hopes and dreams. Did I enjoy myself? You bet I did! I was enjoying myself maybe a little too much, if you ask the casual dating me. I found myself starting to fall for this girl.
Now I don’t know if she was falling for me as well. I realized right after that date was over that I was starting to tread in some dangerous waters. Chances are if we would see each other again, that she’d wind up being my girlfriend. We’d have to declare that we were “going steady” and I’d have to give her my class ring or whatever happens in those classic high school dramas when people decide to go steady. I could see the relationship going well for awhile, before it would inevitably go stale and we’d start to resent each other. We’d have to sever our relationship eventually and that would be extra hard when that would finally happen. Maybe we’d be living together by then. Ugh. I happen to know myself and I know that I’m happiest when I can be free to date anyone I like. I had to do the hard thing and break things off with this girl.
Does Casual Dating Actually Work?
Being an expert on casual dating, one of the things that I’m asked quite often is, does casual dating actually work? What I always wind up answering is that’s it’s entirely up to you. You have to have a steely eyed commitment to your singlehood. You are the source of your own happiness, not somebody else. The best strategy when it comes to casual dating is to always be diligent with the rules of no commitment. You are always a party of one and only when you feel like it do you let somebody else occasionally join in the fun that is your life. Don’t let yourself fall for the illusion that you need a partner to make you happy. Remember, your feelings are your problem!
Casual Dating And Happiness
When you are the source of your own happiness, then nobody can take happiness away from you. Falling in love is exactly that, falling. More often than not, when you’re falling, you won’t like how it feels when you finally land. On the other hand, when the person that you give the most love to is yourself, you’ll never be without love. After all, you know with absolute certainty that you are the only person that will never leave yourself. (Did that make any sense at all?) Too many people think that they need somebody else to make them happy, but when it comes down to it, nobody can ultimately be the absolute perfect mate, and will only bring about sorrow in the end.
That’s why I stick to being a committed casual dater. I’ve learned the hard way that getting to attached to somebody will only bring about pain and heartache in the end. Thanks to all of the amazing dating resources out there, especially all of the great online dating sites that can be on the internet today, I’m hardly ever alone. When it comes to happiness, though, I’ve learned that I need to provide that for myself.
As always, good luck and happy dating!
I think casual dating can be great! But once sex is involved, it's a whole new ballgame. I encourage my clients (I'm a dating coach) to have lots of dating experiences, not just for the purpose of making a romantic connection but also to see those experiences as purposeful, as opportunities to work on their interpersonal and dating skills.
I'm not so sure casual sex can work unless expectations are stated up front. Even then, oftentimes, someone develops feelings. A lot of women like to pretend they can be good at casual sex but, deep down, don't get all that much enjoyment from it.
It's always good to have your parameters clear form the get-go. Casual dating and casual sex is probably a practice worth trying for a while, at least to know that you might not really enjoy it in the end. Having a clearer vision of what you're after in your dating life is always best.
I was a serial casual dater for a while and then I broke that cardinal rule you speak of: I fell into a relationship and fell for him! That's not always a bad thing, but neither of us expected it or wanted it at the time. Sometimes, the best things happen when you least expect them and aren't looking for them
So long as you were both okay with how your relationship evolved then that's wouldn't really be a problem. Having a bit of a serendipitous relationship that sprung out of casual dating could at times be the best thing that could happen.
Ken